If your child focuses on the process, the results will be better performance in sports and life.
As a parent, you play a very important role!
My name is Ann Zaprazny, and I help parents and athletes succeed in sports and life.
Your time watching and supporting your child participate in sports will fly by. Depending on the age(s) of your child(ren), you may not believe it.
As a parent of three children - the time will fly by.
Start reading here
Athlete Journal
The 90-day game plan on how to succeed in sports and life
Athlete Meditations
It's time to let go of stress, feel calmer, and learn how to trust yourself.
Athlete Mental Training
On-demand video-based mental performance training and exercises.
How to help your child focus on the process
When we focus on the outcome or the results - our stress increases, and often our performance decreases.
Examples of focusing on the outcome or the results include:
I have to:
- Win
- Get a hit
- Get a personal record
- Score 15 points
- And more.
When we focus on the process, we focus on what we can control, reduce our stress, and can perform more freely.
What does focus on the process mean?
Using the results based examples above:
- Instead of I have to win, focus on giving my best effort.
- Instead of I have to get a hit, focus on a quality at-bat; good swing, good contact.
- Instead of I have to get a personal record in swimming, focus on a strong start, strong strokes, strong kicks, and strong turns.
- Instead of I have to score 15 points, focus on being aggressive on defense, boxing out, and driving to the basket.
Are you adversely impacting your child's performance?
Circle the statements that apply to you or your spouse or other significant family members regarding your family's youth athlete(s).
- Do you overcoach your child right before a competition?
- Do you ask results-oriented questions such as did you win? Did you get a hit? Did you score? Etc.
- Do you get angry at your child's coaching decisions?
- Do you get angry at your child's teammates for mistakes they make?
- When the competition is over, do you dwell on your child's or their teammates' mistakes?
- Does your body language communicate your frustration or disappointment with the results, the official's call, etc.?
- Are you able to be fully present and enjoy your child's competition>
Reflect on the questions above.
Is there an opportunity to modify your behavior?
In my journey as a sports parent, I know there was (and still is at times) an opportunity for me to alter my behavior. With three children who all played sports at some level, I had to work hard to let it go.
It's their game; it's their sport, not mine. I am glad I journeyed to a point where I can watch a sport, keep my mouth completely shut, cheer for everyone - not just my child and enjoy the moment. I have been intensional to work to improve my behavior.
How to help your child perform their best.
- If your child communicates results-oriented expectations, ask them what they can focus on right now for today's competition. What is most important right now? (How vs. the what?)
- During practice and competition, avoid distracting your child.
- Avoid coaching your child during the competition (unless you are the official coach.) Avoid doing anything that could pull your child out of the moment.
- If your child is frustrated with something (the coach, the referee, the venue, the weather, etc.), ask your child what can they control? The list of what they can control is vast. I use the acronym LEAD to help athletes recognize what they can control.
- L = leadership
- E = effort
- A = attitude
- D = discipline
In every sport, athletes make mistakes. Olympic athletes, professional athletes, no one is immune from mistakes. We learn through mistakes. We need to give ourselves permission to make mistakes and move on.
- Lastly, ask your child what they want and need from you before the competition.
