Ask yourself: 

• What do you want for your child? 
• What do you want them to gain by playing sports?
• Who do you want to be as a sports parent? 

Three leaders impact my discussion in this module. 

The first is Steven R. Covey, the author of many excellent resources, including:

• Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
• Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families
• First Things First 
• and more

Covey's work has had a significant influence on me. In one of his books, he recommends beginning with the end in mind.   

As a sports parent, begin with the end in mind. 

• How do you want to be remembered by your child as a sports parent? 
• How do you want to be remembered by your peers as a sports parent? 

Reflect on these questions and your behavior at competitions. 

Parents' behavior at sporting events across the country has gotten out of hand. 

• We coach our children during competition vs. allowing our child to focus on listening to the instruction/direction of their coach. 
• We criticize the referees and or officials for making a bad call. Unfortunately, there is a referee/officials shortage in the United States because of the abuse, low pay, and long hours. 
• We criticize the coach for their coaching decisions and more. 
• We get angry and violent at sporting events. 

When this happens, the spirit of the game is lost. 

The second leader is John O'Sullivan, the author of Changing the Game: The Parents Guide to Raising Happy, High Performing Athletes and Giving Youth Sports Back to our Kids. 

There a two teaching points from John that have impacted me significantly. 

1) After your child's competition: let them know that you love to watch them play and ask what do you want to eat. Your child does not want you to critique their effort. 

When their competitive days are over, athletes will share what they enjoyed the most was time with their friends.  What they enjoyed the least was the car ride home with a parent who analyzed their performance and critiqued their effort. 

I was a Division 1 athlete. Early in my sports parenting journey, I had too much intensity. I worked hard to embrace this and execute this with my children. It took time and practice, and I can proudly say I do this after every competition today. 

2) Ask, how should sports fit into your FAMILY life? How do you manage sports and multiple children? How do you work sports with multiple children where some of the children have an interest in sports, and some do not? 

I will share a personal example. Each of my three children swam for a local club at some point in their life.  My children learned to swim and become proficient swimmers because my mother's brother drowned when he was twelve.  

My kids swam, but we never became a "swim family."

We often attended meets that included an option to swim on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. 

We seldom chose to swim on Friday or Sunday. 

We chose family time and downtime on Fridays and Sundays. I wanted my kids to swim because it was an important life skill, not because I wanted them to become champion swimmers. 

Think about your family life right now. 

• What do you want for your family life? 
• How do you want sports to fit in? 
• How do you manage your time across your child's sports and nonsport activities? (Is it fair and balanced?) 

These questions are not easy, especially if your child is on a school team, travel team, etc. 

During the peak of COVID lockdown, which was incredibly stressful for many, one of the positives was that life slowed down a little. Families got to eat dinner together again. 

Reflect on the following questions:

• What do you want for your family life? 
• How do you want sports to fit in? 
• How do you manage your time across your child's sports and nonsport activities? (Is it fair and balanced?) 

The third leader is Jim Thompson, who started the Positive Coaching Alliance (PCA) at Standford University in 1998 to create a movement to transform youth sports culture. The Positive Coaching Alliance offers training to coaches, athletes, and parents.

In 2017, I became a certified trainer for the Positive Coaching Alliance. The training impacted me as a coach, parent, and leader. 

Parents are asked, "What do you want your child to gain through sports in the PCA parent workshop?" 

I've adapted my list from the PCA exercise. 

Review the list - circle the statements that are true for you. 

1) Have fun

2) Make friends

3) Learn new skills

4) Learn discipline

5) Learn good sportsmanship

6) Learn teamwork

7) Learn to be resilient and move through mistakes

8). Be the best they can be

9) Be a star

10) Earn a college scholarship and or play in college

After circling which ones are true for you, prioritize the top three reasons you support your child playing sports. 

•  Are your actions in alignment with your objectives for your child?

If they are, congratulations. 

•  If they are not, what changes can you make?